GUILTY & UNHAPPY

i saw this meaningful quotations ~

走到生命的哪一个阶段，

都该喜欢那一段时光，

完成那一阶段该完成的职责，

顺生而行，

不沉迷过去，

不狂热地期待着未来，

生命这样就好。

不管正经历着怎样的挣扎与挑战，

或许我们都只有一个选择：

虽然痛苦，

却依然要快乐，

并相信未来。

朋友，

我只在乎质量，

不在乎数量，

交的是心！

i admit that i doubt about our relationship...i scare to get closer with you...i don't know what the topic that i want share with you..even is i don't dare to look into your eyes.

 i know this is my problem...i feel guilty and sorry to you...

i think is that good for me to know some facts about you? 

i believe all the people that i know...i learn the lesson before...if you break my "every one that i know is good person" perception... you have a high possibility get into in my blacklist... 

actually i really got a bit anger with you why you say something wrong about @@ to me and others...did you know that is not fair to @@...

you are spoiling your image and trust right now...

can you imagine that is a day a person disclose or expose your thing to the public? 

feel trouble right now!!!!!!

Jessie

2.29am

19.7.2013

I'm lost

haiz... i don't know what is the main purpose for me to busy like hell in these few days. because of assignment??...ya..it is the one..after last sem...i just realize that actually i don't like press conference, i don't like write news release, i don't like interact or communicate with media...i don't like PR course..

i'm made a promise to myself which i will put effort on this course...i said that...自己选的路跪着也要走完。but now...I'm not compare myself with other,but it really very feel disappointed to myself@...

I don't have talent in creative thinking.
I don't have talent in designing.
I'm not good in english.
I'm not good in communication skills.
I'm not intelligent like wallance.
I'm not good in leadership skills.
I'm not pretty...
I have many bad behaviour...
I'm very easy influence by people...
jie xin.you are useless!!!!
you are idiot!!

what i suppose to do to improve myself?
join more events...listen and speak more english...i just will doubt is that really work??what i need to do to improve myself, to make me more better?

if you ask me what i want now..i will answer you..i really don't know what i want...
i really go to great trouble...i hate myself now...

i know my family members put their expectation on me..they hope me can successfully graduate from UTAR and can become a professional in my career.i hope so...i really do..

"jie xin, who are you?where are you now?"
I'm don't know...I'm lost...and I feel stress and tired...

I know...when a person become negative thinking, whatever she think must be in negative way...

who can change my mind?? who can motivate me??...

i just want i can graduate and work hard@... i want my dear parents retired and they can go for trip happily and enjoy their life~

i saw you in fb today, you look great~wish you happy everyday@~and...suddenly miss you a few minutes...hahaXD

我是一根草，随风飘。但我生命力强。。。

Jessie

1.51am

12.7.2013

All Things@

First thing ~feel disappointed, sad and down because I failed again to become RCM committee. i always think why Mr.k don't give a me chance...what is the problem make him don't choose me as committee. but, is okay for me now...other thing is feel hurt a bit lah, that nan ren lah>< why he felt pai seh told me about the committees list out already. haiz...don't know what he think in his mind@@ 

as what ah reisz said, you lost something but you must gain something back. so i decided go KL with my reisz to work as part time during sem break~i think this is a good chance for me to learn how to survive in strange area and how to earn money. expect this sem break. 

Second thing is I love my life now <3...do what i want to do. although busy with the shit assignments, feel happy and full everyday~the one thing that i confused is i want money...i want work...so all the best to me ba~

Third thing is yenni pak tou le loh...the time we stick together less and less. hehe...i don't eat dinner with them also :p because i want keep fit>< just feel a bit pity with lovely ba...yenni not accompany her so much...what i heard from her, yenni change her attitude ==quite weird and curiosity how about her now...haha~anyway~wish her and fuhan all the best and happiness forever <3~ 

last thing...yeah!!!!rock with the WWL~ feel sorry to matthew TT...i go with wallance,quite weird...but no partner le lah~cin cai lah~i want wear cantik cantik dress~make up baik baik~hahaXD

回头看回之前走来的路，并非顺利如意的。

生活上跌倒了就要勇敢的站起来。

碰了钉子也要敢敢拔掉。

战胜自己的恐惧。

一路走一路学习一直进步自己。

不要在意别人的眼光。

you know my name, but you don't know my story。

don't care other say about you. 

不要把别人的眼光放在自己的身上。

you alive because of yourself not because others~

自己选的路，跪着也要把路走完。

我有我的家人在背后支持着我~

22-23.6.2013

真幸运能参加这次的penang之旅@~第一次和同队在penang到处找跑到处找图画来拍照。壁画真的好漂亮~~
第一次在沙滩上玩interaction games。最喜欢沙滩大海了^.^
第一次在escape theme park玩到傻。突然觉得自己好有勇气@@
真的是玩到疯拍到乱睡到猪。我还会再回去的。非常谢谢你们这两天的款待~开心开心开心^.^~

可惜就是没有在沙滩拍照TT不过会回去的~哈哈XD

下次我还要再去~真的很好玩！！！！给这个旅行100分~

22&23.6.2013 ROCK!!!1st day penang trip~syoknya~~

兴奋中~没后悔参加这个旅行！真的很开心^^~

走着penang街~找壁画拍照~好像running man@~
好玩~第一次这样的interaction games~

我的对友们~大家都很热情^^~
这个ah fei哈哈~有他在~整个对就是热闹~

全队照~刺激的一天~虽然很热~可是开心到一个点！！

第二天~escape theme park~我们来啦XD

呵呵~要开始闯关咯~

我喝了很多hundred plus~补充体力~还有很多游戏等着我~

YK的女朋友~不错的哟~能认识她真好~

我的faci~人也好~超级friendly@~

学习滚球@@难啊><

好大粒的一个电灯泡><我啦。。。noob==

start our journey^^

27.6.13生命不可重来@重来~好好看的一部话剧~

对不起。可能不能再和你们以joinRCM了。。。
没有了我在你们也可以很开心的~

Jessie

12.02am

4.7.2013