GUILTY & UNHAPPY

i saw this meaningful quotations ~

走到生命的哪一个阶段，

都该喜欢那一段时光，

完成那一阶段该完成的职责，

顺生而行，

不沉迷过去，

不狂热地期待着未来，

生命这样就好。

不管正经历着怎样的挣扎与挑战，

或许我们都只有一个选择：

虽然痛苦，

却依然要快乐，

并相信未来。

朋友，

我只在乎质量，

不在乎数量，

交的是心！

i admit that i doubt about our relationship...i scare to get closer with you...i don't know what the topic that i want share with you..even is i don't dare to look into your eyes.

 i know this is my problem...i feel guilty and sorry to you...

i think is that good for me to know some facts about you? 

i believe all the people that i know...i learn the lesson before...if you break my "every one that i know is good person" perception... you have a high possibility get into in my blacklist... 

actually i really got a bit anger with you why you say something wrong about @@ to me and others...did you know that is not fair to @@...

you are spoiling your image and trust right now...

can you imagine that is a day a person disclose or expose your thing to the public? 

feel trouble right now!!!!!!

Jessie

2.29am

19.7.2013

I'm lost

haiz... i don't know what is the main purpose for me to busy like hell in these few days. because of assignment??...ya..it is the one..after last sem...i just realize that actually i don't like press conference, i don't like write news release, i don't like interact or communicate with media...i don't like PR course..

i'm made a promise to myself which i will put effort on this course...i said that...自己选的路跪着也要走完。but now...I'm not compare myself with other,but it really very feel disappointed to myself@...

I don't have talent in creative thinking.
I don't have talent in designing.
I'm not good in english.
I'm not good in communication skills.
I'm not intelligent like wallance.
I'm not good in leadership skills.
I'm not pretty...
I have many bad behaviour...
I'm very easy influence by people...
jie xin.you are useless!!!!
you are idiot!!

what i suppose to do to improve myself?
join more events...listen and speak more english...i just will doubt is that really work??what i need to do to improve myself, to make me more better?

if you ask me what i want now..i will answer you..i really don't know what i want...
i really go to great trouble...i hate myself now...

i know my family members put their expectation on me..they hope me can successfully graduate from UTAR and can become a professional in my career.i hope so...i really do..

"jie xin, who are you?where are you now?"
I'm don't know...I'm lost...and I feel stress and tired...

I know...when a person become negative thinking, whatever she think must be in negative way...

who can change my mind?? who can motivate me??...

i just want i can graduate and work hard@... i want my dear parents retired and they can go for trip happily and enjoy their life~

i saw you in fb today, you look great~wish you happy everyday@~and...suddenly miss you a few minutes...hahaXD

我是一根草，随风飘。但我生命力强。。。

Jessie

1.51am

12.7.2013

All Things@

First thing ~feel disappointed, sad and down because I failed again to become RCM committee. i always think why Mr.k don't give a me chance...what is the problem make him don't choose me as committee. but, is okay for me now...other thing is feel hurt a bit lah, that nan ren lah>< why he felt pai seh told me about the committees list out already. haiz...don't know what he think in his mind@@ 

as what ah reisz said, you lost something but you must gain something back. so i decided go KL with my reisz to work as part time during sem break~i think this is a good chance for me to learn how to survive in strange area and how to earn money. expect this sem break. 

Second thing is I love my life now <3...do what i want to do. although busy with the shit assignments, feel happy and full everyday~the one thing that i confused is i want money...i want work...so all the best to me ba~

Third thing is yenni pak tou le loh...the time we stick together less and less. hehe...i don't eat dinner with them also :p because i want keep fit>< just feel a bit pity with lovely ba...yenni not accompany her so much...what i heard from her, yenni change her attitude ==quite weird and curiosity how about her now...haha~anyway~wish her and fuhan all the best and happiness forever <3~ 

last thing...yeah!!!!rock with the WWL~ feel sorry to matthew TT...i go with wallance,quite weird...but no partner le lah~cin cai lah~i want wear cantik cantik dress~make up baik baik~hahaXD

回头看回之前走来的路，并非顺利如意的。

生活上跌倒了就要勇敢的站起来。

碰了钉子也要敢敢拔掉。

战胜自己的恐惧。

一路走一路学习一直进步自己。

不要在意别人的眼光。

you know my name, but you don't know my story。

don't care other say about you. 

不要把别人的眼光放在自己的身上。

you alive because of yourself not because others~

自己选的路，跪着也要把路走完。

我有我的家人在背后支持着我~

22-23.6.2013

真幸运能参加这次的penang之旅@~第一次和同队在penang到处找跑到处找图画来拍照。壁画真的好漂亮~~
第一次在沙滩上玩interaction games。最喜欢沙滩大海了^.^
第一次在escape theme park玩到傻。突然觉得自己好有勇气@@
真的是玩到疯拍到乱睡到猪。我还会再回去的。非常谢谢你们这两天的款待~开心开心开心^.^~

可惜就是没有在沙滩拍照TT不过会回去的~哈哈XD

下次我还要再去~真的很好玩！！！！给这个旅行100分~

22&23.6.2013 ROCK!!!1st day penang trip~syoknya~~

兴奋中~没后悔参加这个旅行！真的很开心^^~

走着penang街~找壁画拍照~好像running man@~
好玩~第一次这样的interaction games~

我的对友们~大家都很热情^^~
这个ah fei哈哈~有他在~整个对就是热闹~

全队照~刺激的一天~虽然很热~可是开心到一个点！！

第二天~escape theme park~我们来啦XD

呵呵~要开始闯关咯~

我喝了很多hundred plus~补充体力~还有很多游戏等着我~

YK的女朋友~不错的哟~能认识她真好~

我的faci~人也好~超级friendly@~

学习滚球@@难啊><

好大粒的一个电灯泡><我啦。。。noob==

start our journey^^

27.6.13生命不可重来@重来~好好看的一部话剧~

对不起。可能不能再和你们以joinRCM了。。。
没有了我在你们也可以很开心的~

Jessie

12.02am

4.7.2013

洁欣

很多朋友问我：你受到什么刺激><那么看不开剪到那么短。
版本一：玩BBQ时不小心被火烧。
版本二： Earth hour看火表演给火烧喷到。
版本三：生日时吹蜡烛给蜡烛烧到。
一些朋友说你的头发很难看。一些人人也说剪到不错看。

目前要对长发的洁欣说再见~和短发的洁欣好好相处~

被深愛過會被賦予力量，而深愛過會被賜予勇氣。
我还是我~洁欣还是洁欣~心灵正在长大~发掘自己的潜质~不断吸收外来的知识~变的更坚强~更有勇气面对眼前的困难~另外~在515那天，洁欣已经20岁啦~还蛮年轻的~呵呵XD~今后还要继续往前走~


面對前進道路上的未知因素....

路走不通的時候....
不要眷戀前面的風景，不要回望來時的行程...

簡單做自己，總會有一扇門為夢想打開...

我的梦想在未来等着我呢~↖(^ω^)↗~
珍惜自己的生命~好好照顾自己~下一秒会发生什么事，根本无法预料。
亲人朋友~互相珍惜和协调~
感恩我们还可以看到今晚的月亮和明天的太阳~


补充~那一天的早上~天空特别的蓝~湖水一闪一闪的轻微波动~空气异常的清新~我告诉我今天会有好的事情发生~今天也要记得微笑^.^
啊~好有诗意啊~~哈哈~自己赞自己~不要脸==

不管怎样~洁欣还是洁欣@~~

Jessie

1.11pm

7.6.2013

RCM May Intake 2013

Again!! that is a wonderful and unforgettable RCM that i had join~
We all like strangers at first but now we are big happy family~work hard and play crazy~
We care, help, support, encourage and cooperate with each other without any complaint~YA~ I'm not regret to spend time to join RCM~
Define team(infinity mark) together everyone achieve more~very thank you committees trust on us~maybe i not do well in the whole process, but i very appreciate all of you give me the chance to learn and i do really enjoy on it^.^~
Don't forget!! We are the first awesome batch that join the RCM in grand hall!~ 
Huyoh!!~keep the passion and spirit in RCM~see you all in the next intake@~
Nice to meet you all leng zai and leng lui ^.^~ want banana for gathering ahXD~
以上是我对RCM 的小小感言~

说真的~真的越来越喜欢RCM了~无论是people 还是task~都可以学到很多东西~从陌生人变到大家庭~没有几个event可以好像RCM这样~我很喜欢这种感觉~呵呵~

朋友劝我说下个sem回来interview committee~可是我还是没有什么信心~听了慧妮说了RCM里的状况~我都感到有点无奈。好多人都要去intern了，肯定是不舍得他们~每个人都扮演着不同角色的他们才撑得起整个RCM~爱死他们了~

本来还想不想参加的可是幸好~我还是join了~而且非常的开心开心~认识到几个不错的朋友~
这个sem算不错啦~总算可以和合照~虽然不是个人的~不过已经不错啦~不要那么贪心><希望还有机会和你一起工作~你要Y3了，也就快毕业了。你啊，真的要改下的急性子和臭脾气。我想没有多少个人受得了你的脾气==
看着committee 们就联想起我一起当committee时的时光~也有风光的~哈哈~暗爽~

这次的helpers们明显bonding好强~banana 来banana去~不错~反而committee们可能太忙了吧，bonding不比之前的强不过我相信你们的心里还是有对方的~

和慧妮说了很多事情~我们的友谊又再次飙升咯~真亏我们可以成为好朋友XD~

还是一样的~eric，alvin，lilo一直都是我要学习的对象~无论是leadership skill~communication skill~emotional skill~你们真的很棒~Eric你是我们FAS的光荣~

chia Chee Guan....这个男人。听了lovely,雨儿说了他的事后，都不想提他了。算了。。把他摆在一边。。。

靖豪为了RCM牺牲睡眠时间~加油！^^

Buddy system department~和到照啦~
次次听你要减肥~这次你真的乖乖去减啦XD

registration 的Moy~虽然凶~可是还是不错啦~

认识到的朋友~一起疯一起玩~哈哈XD

campus tour的sam~为人friendly~容易相处~
花名是sam cheese, bye^^haha~有点好欺负XD

嗯~rcm的chair~我的偶像之一~会像你学习的^^你intern了也要加油！

我们就像连体婴一直一起~友谊永固~^^love you <3

RCM最后一天的合照~超级不舍得RCMTT
不过还有很多机会和这群傻婆拍照~

和95年的henry和94年的“If”拍照~一起想游戏~
一起entertain freshmen~开心^.^
很sad！自己那么老了TT

做工一流~扮鬼脸也一流XD

我的伙伴们^^希望以后有机会可以见到你们@

我最帅的二哥registration manager啦~ pattern多多~
对不起，不会忘记我的粗心的。

突然和岩妮要好去了~在一起就像青三出来酱XD~

隔壁的就是我的靓女啦~越来越美了噢~~
我们的默契和情谊不是别人可以理解的~哈哈XD

RCM!!! FIGHT! RCM!!! FIGHT! RCM RCM !!! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! 
HUAT YA!!!
SEM BREAK正式结束！！

啊！忘了说TT成绩出了！开心的是全部及格！！！伤心的是。。有史以来最差的一次==经过这次，我会加倍努力的！以吖诗最读书的目标@~

加油加油！！^^

Jessie

5.52pm

23.5.2013

生日快乐

我的生日快乐。其实并没有大不了。谢谢记得我生日的朋友。我珍惜你们的祝福。
可是。。。你呢?你是不记得了还是不和我说。为什么？为什么要我在生日时都流泪。一句生日快乐那么难写吗？而我干嘛介意不在意我的人的祝福啊。白痴。
我知道5月尾是我的噩梦开始，我知道我会很emo,很down,很没有心情。因为接下来的两个月是我伤害你的时间。是我们分手的日子。我不知如何让自己安心的过。我真的很怕。不知不觉已经要一年了。我真的很不舍得。我已经对自己说要开始过新的生活。可是我真的办不到，而且还让我感到很疲惫。伟彬，我还是决定要等要等！无论你就好像从我的世界消失一样不再出现，我还是等你。对不起。

生日快乐

Jessie

6.44pm

16.5.2013

星空

今天在还没亮的早上躺在篮球场上的天空的星星~才知道原来没有和你一起度过那么美妙的时刻。听着苏醒的身旁。

 铺开夜晚的天窗

微微的亮灯

大自然的音乐

仰望着天空

看着每一颗星星

想着

不是所有的星星的

大小

亮度

距离

都是一样的

安静的时候

想像你在我的身旁

许下我们的愿望

就在流星闪过的一杀那

我把黑暗的天空形容

成我神秘的大脑

每一颗星星代表着我们的记忆

比较闪亮的 

我把当做我们曾经

一起度过开心的日子

比较不闪亮的 

我把当做我们曾经

不开心的时刻

开心和不开心的星星都在同一片

夜空 

有着那未眠的月光陪着

都有我对你的牵挂

希望有机会让我

待在你的身边

陪你走过每一分 每一秒

履行我们曾一起许下的愿望

愿有机会陪你一起 每一步 每一段 每一个地方

原来爱就在这里 永远的存在

流星雨实现我们的愿望

Jessie 

6.03 pm

5.5.2013